Deals on Wheels

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A mysterious man named Garfield runs Deals on Wheels, an elaborately decorated wagon that is emanating magical aura. Covered in colorful ribbons, rainbow paint, bells, and lamps of all sorts of sizes and styles. The chocobo harnessed to the wagon is also covered in bells and colorful ribbons.
If someone approaches while it is closed, the wooden window panels fly open

If customer doesn’t have enough money for an item, offers a deal. Asks for blood and stores it in a vial for a 40% discount, or a secret for a 0 - 25% discount depending on how good the secret is and whether Garfield believes it.

Blood Discounts

  • Redbelly blood, the link pearls and secrets

Secret Discounts

  • There's a void portal in Mak-Tara Cave (told by Izuna, used to buy the Plastic Sheriff Badge at a 20% discount)
  • There's a cursed tablet that bleeds dragon blood somewhere in the Ishgardian marketplace (told by Izuna, used to buy the Ring of the Grammarian at a 45% discount)

Item Catalogue

Item Description Price Bought By

Jar of Bees

It’s a jar of bees… It can be thrown and smashed to distract enemies.

10000 gil


Linkpearl/Stone of Far Speech

A small stone that can connect to other similar stones and allow for communication between the owners.

10000 gil each

X6 everyone in the party

Glasses of Lightning Comprehension

These glasses allow the wearer to read and comprehend any text, in a language they know, up to 10 times faster.

20000 gil


Mockingbird Gum

A pack of gum containing 5 pieces. Whoever chews a piece of this gum is able to emulate the voice of another person for up to an hour. They must have heard the person talk in order to emulate them.

20000 gil


Ring of Pointing

A copper ring with an inlaid ruby that can project a small yet visible dot onto any surface. Useful for distracting those with simple minds, and for presenting the project numbers for Q2.

20000 gil


Leather Glove of Storing

A 1-item free-action bag of holding for something 20lbs or less that can be held in one hand. Can disappear the item into the glove, then retrieve it, as a free action.

20000 gil

1 (Kikko)

Haunted Doll

A very creepy looking doll. When the owner of this doll fails a third death saving throw, the doll will die in place of its owner.

30000 gil


Nunchucks of Twirling

A pair of wooden nunchucks connected by an iron chain. With a DC 7 Dexterity Saving Throw, the user gains advantage on an intimidation check. On a failed saving throw, the user takes 1d4 damage as they hit themselves, and have disadvantage on intimidation checks. They can also be used as an improvised finesse weapon, dealing 1d6 damage.

30000 gil


Raul’s Panties of Curious Confidence

A lacy red thong that (when worn) provides the wearer with +1 to all charisma rolls. Due to delicate nature of lace, should the wearer suffer any critical failures, the panties will bunch, causing -1 to dexterity until the wearer can remove their pants to sort out the situation. Also available in leopard print.

30000 gil


Tankard of Potent Drink

A mug that makes alcoholic beverages in it much more potent. In addition, when filled with water, it will sober up any inebriated individual that drinks from it.

30000 gil


Mystery Powder

A bag of refilling magical powder that can be used once a day. When the power is thrown on a target (friend or foe), the user rolls a d100. The DM refers to the Wild Surge Table located in the Player’s Handbook 5e on page 104, to see what effects occur, and implements accordingly.

40000 gil


No-Sodium Salt Shaker

A simple silver salt shaker with a skull and crossbones engraved on the side. The contents of the shaker have been bewitched to turn a bright shade of pink if sprinkled over food or drink that contains poison. It also makes any food or drink taste extra delicious.

40000 gil


All-or-Nothing Coin

Once a day, the owner of the coin can substitute a regular 2-sided coin flip in place of a d20 roll. If the coin lands on heads, it is considered a Critical Hit. If the coin lands on tails, it is considered a Critical Fail.

50000 gil


Alchemist Ring

When the wearer of this ring imbibes a healing potion, they receive an additional 1d6 hit points.

50000 gil


The Lore Axe

A plain looking handaxe with an intricately carved handle. The axe does 1d8 damage, and gives the user +1 to history and nature checks. It also speaks for the trees, allowing the user to cast the spell Speak with Plants once per day.

50000 gil

1 (Koto)

Plastic Sheriff Badge

A plastic sheriff badge that looks like it was made for or by a child. Presenting the badge gives a +3 to Bluff checks when impersonating a person of authority.

50000 gil

1 (Skippy)

Scrying Bones

Three small bones with a happy and sad face carved on opposing sides of each. Once per day, the user can toss these bones and ask a question to the fates. All happy faces means yes, all sad faces means no, and a mixture of the two means maybe. If the bones stand up on end, you’re probably getting close to ruining the plot, so have some chill.

50000 gil


Scuttle Buddy

A small mechanical beetle that can spy on unwitting victims. It allows the user to hear anything happening in the room the buddy is sent into, able to climb walls and fit through small gaps to get to hard to reach places. The owner can wind it up four times before it breaks, as it is very fragile.

50000 gil

1 (Goldyna)

The Anti-Gravity Sphere

A small, fist-sized glass ball filled with silver smoke. When the sphere is destroyed, it disables the effect of gravity on everything in a 30ft radius.

50000 gil


Grappling Hook

It’s a grappling hook, and it’s cool as hell. Once per day, the user can make a ranged melee attack against any grappleable surface to attempt to repel to it. On a success, the user can travel up to 30 feet while looking hella fly.

60000 gil


Liar’s Lingerie

A very fashionable pair of undergarments with a smiling elven figure on the crotch. While wearing the lingerie, the wearer can choose to take 1d4 fire damage (as the lingerie begins to smoulder) and reroll a failed Deception check. If the wearer fails this reroll, the lingerie bursts into flame, doing 1d8 fire damage and -- as your pants are on fire -- revealing to all that you were lying.

60000 gil


Phantom Fist

A gauntlet that grants the user +1 to unarmed attack rolls. When successful, the target must succeed a DC15 Dexterity saving throw or be knocked back 2d4 fist.

60000 gil


Buffoon’s Pantaloons

A gaudy pair of pantaloons only the most confident (or dimwitted) person could successfully pull off. There’s always a price for fashion, though. While these loose pantaloons give +1 to AC, whenever the wearer rolls a critical fail, the pantaloons will fall around their ankles. Until the wearer spends an action pulling them up, they will suffer disadvantage on all checks.

60000 gil


Lens of Straight Creeping

A monocle that allows the user to see the footprints of a specific person or creature that has been within the area. They must know the person or creature they are looking for, and the lens can only be used once per day.

70000 gil


Related Rings

A pair of wooden rings, carved with a rad symbol of a ram. When the user and another user of their choosing wear these rings and touch them together, both get +2 to AC for 10 minutes. This only works once a day.

70000 gil


The Glutton’s Fork

A small, silvery fork with an intricately carved handle. Once a day, this fork allows the user to eat any non-magical item they can fit in their mouth, regaining 2d6 HP after consumption. Just tap the fork on the item and it will turn edible, and probably not turn back until it’s left your system.

75000 gil


Anchorman’s Coin

Once per day, you can flip the coin and ask it a yes or no question. The DM secretly rolls a D20: on a 9 or greater, the DM answers the question truthfully with a yes or no. On an 8 or lower, the DM lies.

80000 gil


Ring of the Grammarian

The wearer of this ring can, once a day, change one letter of a spell’s title to alter the spell’s effect accordingly. The effect of the spell is determined by the DM, but with the caster’s intentions taken into account.

80000 gil

1 (Koto)

Tarantula’s Bracelet

A small black bracelet that looks like a spooky spider! Once per day, this bracelet allows the wearer to cast Spider Climb on themselves for 10 minutes. While climbing, they will also have advantage on Stealth checks.

80000 gil


The Champion’s Belt

This ornate belt is given to someone who has bested all opponents in a test of strength. Once per day, the wearer may substitute their Strength score for their Wisdom or Charisma when making a check.

80000 gil


Diadem of Fabulous Truthiness

An elaborately carved silver diadem, with an emerald-crested eagle in the front. Once per long rest, the wearer can cast a free Zone of Truth on a single target rather than a large area. Confound your enemies, emasculate your friends, and free up your cleric’s spell slots so they can do some actual healing.

90000 gil


Magnetic Charge

A fist-sized glass ball with a blue button on top. When the button is pressed, the ball will begin to glow and produce a magnetic field that lasts 2 rounds of combat. The field repels any metal objects within 10ft of the ball. Takes 1 day for enough charge to be built up to allow use again.

90000 gil


Nophica’s Laughing Amulet

The amulet carries the image of a stylized human face, mouth open in laughter. Whenever a foe is defeated, the wearer may activate the amulet by tapping it twice and them delivering the best taunting joke or victorious one-liner applicable to the current situation. If the jest pleases Nophica (DM), she rewards the adventurer by recharing up to 1d10 + Con HP. But Nophica is a fickle goddess; jokes that fail are punished with a small bolt of lightning, dealing 1d6 lightning damage per failure.

90000 gil


The Nit Picker

A miniature garden gnome holding a set of lock-picking tools in his hands. When placed in front of a locked object, the gnome will come to life and starte unlocking it. While he’s picking the lock, the Nit Picker will critique any or all members of the party on their recent performance in the campaign. Nothing escapes the critical eye of the Nit Picker, no matter how small the perceived offense. After the lock is picked, or after he discovers it cannot be picked, the Nit Picker reverts to an inanimates statue.

90000 gil



An ill-conceived and short-lived partnership between a Gridanian bowyer and an Uldahn alchemist that ended up hating each other resulted in a crossbow that should have remained a very dumb idea. The Very-Crossbow acts as a normal crossbow, doing 1d8+1 damage per bolt. As part of an attack action, the user may attempt to tap into the seething hatred imbued in the Very Crossbow by insulting it. If they succeed on a DC12 Intimidating check, the Very-Crossbow burns with rage and shoots an extra flaming bolt for 1d12 damage. If they fail the check, the Very-Crossbow will sullenly refuse to work for the remainder of the current fight.

90000 gil


Arcane Trickster’s Glove

Allows a spellcaster who can use the spell Mage Hand to turn the conjured hand invisible. It also allows the conjured hand to perform stealthy actions, such as pickpocketing, sleight of hand, or other acts of remote legerdemain. For these checks, the caster uses their Arcana.

500,000 gil


Hourglass of Sympathetic Blood

A small glass amulet with two teardrop shaped containers attached on a pivot. Each container can be filled with a small amount of blood from a given individual. When filled with blood from two differing people, the orientation of the hourglass can be used to “swap” the health pools of each. This effect lasts for 10 minutes, or until the hourglass is turned again.

500,000 gil


Pocket Spa

A small, pop-up tent which easily fits in the owner’s pocket when folded up. Inside the tent is a magical spa, with lotions, warming baths, and mediocre cucumber sandwiches. When used during a short rest, the tent provides an additional 3 hit points for each Hit Dice used.

500,000 gil


Pocket Workshop

From the makers of the Pocket Spa comes the Pocket Workshop. Our top of the line master-craftsman’s woodworking shop is concealed within a battered red toolbox. When opened, the toolbox reveals a descending staircase that leads to a pocket dimension containing the deluxe Craftsman’s workshop. The Workshop is well lit, properly ventilated, and equipped with saws, planes, blades, and dozens of hand tools. Everything you need to make your project a success. The workshop is always stocked with the highest quality wood from across Eorzea, as well as nutritious snacks and refreshments. The Pocket Workshop can hold up to two people at a time within its pocket dimension.

500,000 gil


Immovable Rod

A flat iron bar with a small button on one end. When the button is pressed (taking a move action to do so), the rod will not move from where it is, even if staying in place defies gravity. Thus, the owner can lift or place the rod wherever they wish, push the button, and let go. An immovable rod can support up to 8,000 pounds before falling to the ground. If a creature pushes against an immovable rod, it must make a DC30 Strength check to move the rod up to 10 feet in a single round.

600,000 gil


The Slicer of Tapir-Weir Isles

An item that is, itself, useless, but with a good enough sales pitch, the owner can convince anyone of its value and get them to trade their most valuable possession for it.

600,000 gil


Virtuoso’s Mask

A simple, white mask which would cover approximately half of the user’s face. When worn, it allows the user to cast Disguise Self as a cantrip rather than a 1st-level spell. However, it also makes the wearer look more suspicious, giving them disadvantage on Deception checks.

600,000 gil


Astro Shell

A plain looking conch shell, which, when used, allows the user to interrogate the souls of the recently deceased. Only works on souls that have passed less than two minutes ago.

700,000 gil


Shield of Heroic Memories

This perfectly round silver shield initially has a mirror finish. As a hero takes it into battle, it remembers the enemies encountered, gaining a +1 to AC on any subsequent battle with creatures of that type. The events of the battle are intricately engraved onto the shield’s surface (which has a seemingly endless capacity for detail).   The bearer of the shield may also attempt to recount past battles (real or imagined) to the shield. Upon a DC10 Charisma check of DC15 Bluff check, the shield confers a +1 AC against the creatures described in the tall tales.   3 failed attempts at recounting stories cause the shield to be cleared of all its memories. The engravings disappear. It reverts to its mirror finish. All bonuses are lost.

700,000 gil


Throwing Shield

A metallic shield with a golden star emblazoned on the front. The shield gives +2 to AC, and can be used as a thrown weapon. It can travel in a straight line up to 30 feet, and deals 1d8 + Str/Proficiency damage. It has a small dent off to the side with a note attached:   It doesn’t come back to your afterwards! Don’t try and ricochet this either. You think you’re so clever, don’t you?

700,000 gil


Matthias, the Living Grimoire

This clockwork owl has been owned by dozens of different wizards throughout its lifespan and can now recite arcane knowledge on command. All Arcana checks made by the user who owns this item gains advantage. In addition, the user can use this item to prepare a spell they do not know once per day. This spell still takes up a spell slot of the spell’s level.

800,000 gil


Wand of Switcharoo

Once a day, when pointed at another creature of similar size within 100 ft, the target and the holder of the wand will switch places. If the target is unwilling to switch, it must succeed a DC17 Constitution saving throw to remain in place.

800,000 gil


Rickle Axager’s Pocket Guide to Adventuring, 5th Edition

Once per day, the owner of this guide may read a section associated with a particular skill to gain Advantage on all rolls related to the skill for the next 24 hours. The owner may also read the passage out loud to grant one additional party member the same benefit.

1,000,000 gil


Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom

A sword with a gigantic blade, wreathed in flames and with a crooked, oozing scorpion’s stinger affixed to its point. Functions as normal longsword, dealing 1d8 damage (or 1d10 when wielded with two hands), but also delivers an extra 20 damage with each blow. The Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword of Doom will also critical hit on a 19 or 20.

30,000,000 gil